Scary Madison / 2008/ 85min / PG-13
DVD Release Date 9/29/2009
Reviewed on 9/29/2009

Like some sort of cruel and unfunny joke, Adam Sandler’s production company, “Happy Madison” has split off into “Scary Madison”.  If you hadn’t already guessed by its rather blunt naming, they’ve set out to produce horror films… and in this case, PG-13 ones.

You know you’re on the wrong track when a horror film boasts relative unknowns… is a straight to DVD release… and has the dreaded (at least for good direct-to-video horror films) PG-13 pinned to it.  At this point, it’s obvious you won’t be getting the unnecessary - but highly entertaining - nude scene just before the killer jumps in to hack everyone up.  Then again, that’s another thing this film sincerely lacks: horror.  Possibly suffering from its rating, this pedestrian horror film builds in cliché fashion to what should be a blood-spattered ending.  Instead, we get a half-baked attempt at an actual story that is clearly birthed from the pages of the screenwriting 101 handbook.

The story follows a band of stereotypical high schoolers: The Jock, The Goofball, The Hot Chick, The Straight Man, and the not-as-attractive-as-the-hot-chick-female-best-friend-who-so-secretly-yearns-to-be-loved-by-our-lead.  The title character appears as they investigate A Shortcut through the woods where our main character’s younger brother was attacked by a crazed old man.  Actually more like verbally abused in my book, but I digress.  The film then spends the rest of its time (and wastes ours) jumping back and forth between present day and the 1950’s in an effort to give back-story to our… killer.  As I’m not a fan of spoilers, all I can say is that the exposition used to set up a deeper sinister plot falls flat on its face when it fails to deliver the gore or chills necessary to pull it off.

VIDEO
Presented in anamorphic widescreen 1.40:1.  No complaints at all -- a very clean, if nondescript, SD transfer that could use slight help in the darker scenes.

AUDIO
A serviceable Dolby digital surround 5.1 track is presented.

EXTRAS
Audio commentary with the director Nicholaus Goosen (director of the happier Madison film, Grandma’s Boy) and a theatrical trailer.

MY SAY
Usually I find myself enjoying the mindless spectacle of D-list horror films… the cheesy acting, over wrought melodrama, and unrealistic blood spatter definitely fills the tiny 90-minute sized hole in my horror movie-loving heart.  However, this film lacks the small dose of satire and blood usually applied to this level of filmmaking.  Sorry, Scary… I’m not Happy.  Madison.  Unfortunately, I recommend taking a shortcut around this film.