George Clooney Look Out...Sam's Own Love Letter To Jessica Holmes
10:00 PM May 28, 2008
I don't know if you have had an opportunity to catch the reworked reworked 9 o'clock show. The "water-cooler buzz" has been branded as the most candid 20 minutes in all of local television, and I actually think that is true.
On Wednesday's edition we all enjoyed a very candid admission of sorts from our diminutive and delightful Jessica Holmes. I don't want to misquote my friend, but I believe she said something to the effect of "I have no life." As far as I can tell Jessica has a pulse, and I am pretty sure she is actually alive. In fact, if death looks like Jessica Holmes, you may want to stop exercising and taking your vitamins. My sense is what Jessica was trying to say, and in this she is not at all alone; I think she might be feeling a distinct lack of purpose.
It is the most universal of questions....Why am I here? What can I contribute? How long will this new cell-phone battery actually last? I don't know if Jessica is actually tormented by these questions, but I do know that I have the perfect solution. Jessica needs to have a baby....stat.
By no means does a baby complete your life, and surely there are people who are far better off not being parents. But one of the many, many blessings of having children; and this is especially true in Hollywood....is that having a baby finally gives you something to think about other than yourself. It takes you out of yourself. I suppose that is true if you have one child, or like me, a hundred and four children. I don't think it is true if you have a puppy, a goldfish or a cat. A baby is the real deal.
I have been getting up at four in the morning for 17 years. And with three children under 8 in my house, I will be getting up at four in the morning, god willing, for the next 17 years. And I am not complaining one bit. I feel very lucky that I am able to support my children; and one thing that I already realize; and this is something else for Jessica to think about.....maybe at some point, my kids will be able to support me....at least I hope so.
Okay, back to Jessica and the little miracle that should soon be on the way. I do not think it a coincidence that on the very same day the universe and I realize Jessica needs a baby; the very same day, George Clooney breaks-up with his girlfriend. Potential father, I think so.
Let this blog serve as day one of ; 'Jessica and George --- Baby Watch.' Who knows if we'll see the so-far-only-in-my-mind happy couple in the nursery at Cedars-Sinai in 2009. But I think is possible.
This I know for sure, we'll probably be taking about this after 9 a.m. this morning.
Posted by Sam Rubin | Permalink | Comments (110) | TrackBack (0)

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Hey Mark - If you were serious today about "boycotting" Dunkin' Donuts due to the pulling of Rachel Ray's ad...you might also want to consider boycotting Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors, and Togo's because they're owned by the same company!
Posted by: Dan | May 29, 2008 at 10:58 AM
Dan
Your response about Eric being removed from the chair just shows that TV station don't learn lessons from other TV stations. As for Eyewitness News I've been watching that since the Eyeball "Dodo"opoly massacre two months ago.
Posted by: R.B. | May 29, 2008 at 11:33 AM
As I suggested to another disgruntled "ex-viewer," you people (and I mean those of you leaving comments) need to go over to Amazon.com and see if you can purchase a sense of humor. Yeah, I know it's not sophisticated stuff, and I, like most of you are not thrilled with the 9 AM changes, but good lord, lighten up - you guys take this $h!t way to seriously.
The personal attacks you people make in judging the morning team indicate a significant lack of social skills. Alright, Mark says some really offensive things at times - just treat him for what he is: a small child with an impulse control problem. However, the attacks on the rest of the team border on abusive. Let me be clear: I'm not saying I like everything these guys and gals do - the show bottomed out for me with the departure of Carlos and Sam is about the only reason I still tune in - but to attack them in this personal manner is really unacceptable in a civil society)
And the baggin' on Warren and his skits is really a huge waste of time - it is what it is: lighthearted silly stuff designed to give you a chuckle.
Posted by: Tim | May 29, 2008 at 11:54 AM
You know, I read the blogs every week, and I cannot help but finally respond. I wonder what some of these commentors spend their days doing? Is the weekly blog honestly what gets you riled up enough to get out of bed? Its gotten to be no more than a bitch fest (ever been in a teacher's lounge??) You wouldn't say some of these things to your friends let alone the hideous remarks made about strangers! People whom you know only surface information about. It's the news, its not the be all and end all...watch, don't watch, get on with your day. Find something enjoyable to do other than toxify this website or anyone else's life, you'll be better off for it.
and p.s. I think Sam was being sarcastic, I don't think we need some type of "marriage and family protection task force" watching out for Jessica's baby. Seriously? Ridiculous!
Posted by: Kristen | May 29, 2008 at 12:04 PM
Tim
No disrespect but I think we all have a sense of humor. Personally the Warren skits are ok if they're done in good taste, and some of them have not been done in good taste.
The only reason alot of us complain about the 9 am hour is because we do give a damn, KTLA has potential to be great and they seem to be falling flat.
Posted by: An Independent Voice | May 29, 2008 at 12:13 PM
You gotta love Kristen giving us her critical diatribe about our so called "bitch fest" making "hideous remarks about strangers".
I'm sorry Kristen, and you are who? Do I know you or are you just a "stranger" having your own "bitch fest" and taking time out of your busy day to "toxify this website" in what appears to be the same manner as the rest of us! (Perhaps you can enlighten all of us on what dictionary YOUR word "toxify" came from.) "Seriously? Ridiculous!"
Posted by: Just an Observation | May 29, 2008 at 01:01 PM
My opinion of the revised 9:00 show. It still stinks. Too little change, in too long a time. And to remove Eric from the 6 to 7 hour is just another bad idea. What are they trying to do? Get rid of all the men? Make KTLA the new Oxygen channel for news? Nothing but friggin' fashion or shoe talk all the time. I have sent a number of emails to the station and all I got as a reply was Kurt is going on vacation. WTF? They may have shown the "balless wonder" the door, but nothing else seems to change. Face it people they don't care. They bait us that the 9:00 show has changed, but it really hasn't. Let the ratings show what they great ideas have done.
Switch that channel, we have the power.
Posted by: Mean Tristan | May 29, 2008 at 01:40 PM
Bring Eric Back!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Cat | May 29, 2008 at 02:09 PM
Not watching, just commenting on the Blogs. I still think Ms. Holms is a bad fit. This is major market tlelvision, not KORN-TV in Idaho. But it did get me to thinking about Style vs. Substance so I jotted down some thoughts and here is what I came up with:
Vin Sculpture is pleased to announce the arrival of the KTLA Viewer Hot Dog Cart. We have something for everyone. Check out our menu. Y'all come back now, Hear?
The Bill Smith, A.K.A. “Old Faithful” A 100% all beef hot dog served on a white bun. Catsup or Mustard. Has been called an imitation of the world famous “Dodger Dog” You can never go wrong with this baby.
The Aunt Gayle. Same as above accept it is on a Whole Wheat bun.
The Cher. A 100% all beef hotdog served on a white or wheat bun. Covered with our own garlic infused Dijon mustard and chopped onions. Eat this ‘Dog at your own peril since it tends to put off folks that may want to engage you in conversation.
The KRISKI, A.K.A. “The Special K” A Bacon wrapped, all beef dog served on a cheesy bun. Top with any topping on our menu. This baby is about appearance as much as substance. Caution. This DOG is served on a bun that has artificial coloring and chemical preservatives.
The MICHAELA, A.K.A. “The Big MIC” ¼ lb all beef hot dog served on a whole wheat bun, topped with Chipotle salsa and chopped jalapeno’s This dog is for those that like a little sass in their diet.
The Warren, A.K.A. “The Big TEX” A Monster 1 pound “dog made from beef, pork, turkey and chicken. This ‘Dog is best consumed a couple bites at a time. To try and consume this monster at a single sitting could result in indigestion, stomach cramps or other gastro intestinal problems.
Looking to eat on a budget? Try one of the following items.
The Jessica. (.19 cents each) A meat less Hotdog. It is for the budget minded consumer as it only cost’s .19 cents. It looks like a hot dog but one bite and you know it isn’t. It just looks like a real ‘Dog. This dog is for those that have financial concerns and need to stay on a strict budget. Appearance of substance is this “Dog’s mantra.
The Jeremy. (Free Sample) Not really a Hot Dog. It’s a cocktail weenie. A sample, really. Not filling. Won't do anything but provide a little taste.
The Producer 6 pack. ($4.95) 6 all meat wieners (Same recipe as "The Warren", beef, pork, chicken and turkey) served on day old bread. The rolls might be white, they might be wheat. What ever is left over or cheap. You provide the toppings from your own employee lunch room. At .99 cents a piece, what did you expect?
Premium Items:
The Sam. Hebrew National brand all beef Hot Dog. Your Choice of toppings and Roll.
The Eric. A premium Vegetarian Hot Dog. All the taste, none of the waste. For the discriminating consumer. Substantive, filling and an excellent source of “Brain Food”
We regret that we no longer carry “The Carlos” We stopped serving this “Dog months ago and now it turns out that a competitor is serving up this ‘Dog, to bigger market.
Posted by: Bill from San Diego | May 29, 2008 at 03:18 PM
Bill from San Diego - Loved what you wrote! Very good :)
Posted by: Donna | May 29, 2008 at 03:56 PM
Bill,
Four stars on the hot dog menu. Well done my friend, well done.
Posted by: Paul - Rat Packer & F.S.S.G. member | May 29, 2008 at 04:05 PM
I AM AVAILABLE TO GIVE JESSICA A LIFE! I LOVE CUTE BLONDES AND BABIES TO MATCH! WHERE DO I SIGN UP???
Posted by: BrettNOC | May 29, 2008 at 04:29 PM
Bill
Innovative writing.
Tastefully Done
But what about the Elizabeth Espinosa dog?
Posted by: R.B. | May 29, 2008 at 04:39 PM
WE WANT ERIC BACK!!! AND STOP THE STUPID SKITS!!
Posted by: Deb | May 29, 2008 at 04:40 PM
Sam,
I think you unfortunately lie when you ask the viewers for comments and you claim to read them. Sending an email to the entertainment department is intercepted and ignored by your Roxanne Acuna. Don't you get it? Stop the stupid skits on the 7 AM show! Do what you do best. Give us entertainment reports. Give us quality news. It's impossible to send you an email directly so try to read the comments and I know you could reply if you wanted to but obviously you don't. You have more work to do at 9 before I watch again.
Posted by: Rob Greer | May 29, 2008 at 05:11 PM
To R.B.
We tested a Hot Dog called "The ESPI" Not one consumer had a single good comment to make about this Salvadoran variant. This is also the reason we dropped the ACUNA SALSA from our toppings list.
"The ESPI" was called tastless. Our ACUNA SALSA was called a salsa that looked good but rebounded witha painful kick, hours later. These items were dropped. However, we are test marketing a "Grab and GO" lunch box called the GARBUCK. Its a Grab And Run (GAR)Buckley Box consisting of 3 premium white meat chicket yakitory skewers with mexican fried rice and teriyaki dipping sauce. A perfect East Meets West lunch combo. Look for the GARBOX next week.
Posted by: Bill from San Diego | May 29, 2008 at 05:14 PM
Bill
Thank you for your response. I can't wait to hear more from your taste testing department.
Posted by: R.B. | May 29, 2008 at 05:36 PM
Dan thanks for the disappointing news about Eric.
O.K. I'll lightened up on my anti-skits comments. But I think BrettNOC deserves to be in Warren's shoes. Hey if they're going to move Eric, give Bill a small part and get rid of Hoppo (sic) they can replace Warren with Brett. Go Brett, get that girl!
Frank I agree with you about the Fisher FOUL.
Mark, Dunkin's reaction to Rachel Ray's clothing is really stupid. What were they thinking? Talk about being pussy whipped.
Posted by: George the Rat | May 29, 2008 at 05:40 PM
Sam you are really full of yourself if you truely believe that the 1st 20 minutes of the 9 am hour is the most "candid 20 minutes in all of TV". It is probably the least watched 20 minutes in all of TV. The 9 am show needs to go bye bye. It is terrible!
Posted by: Bill | May 29, 2008 at 06:06 PM
I think we should flood every email address at KTLA with requests that they put Eric back on the 5-7 AM show. Keep hitting them. Show them what we want in force. Anyone with me?
Posted by: Paul - Rat Packer & F.S.S.G. member | May 29, 2008 at 06:17 PM
Paul, I am MOST DEFINITELY with you! I think it's absolutely shameful that KTLA is allowed by us, the viewers to get away with the treatment of their highly talented, educated and tenured anchors! This infuriates me more than the 9 am show change! I start tomorrow watching ABC from 5 - 7 AM until they bring Eric back! Who the Hell is running that station? Just let me know as to if you want to flood their inbox at a certain time and if we can get more viewers involved! I'm with you my friend - I'm WITH YOU!
Posted by: Dan | May 29, 2008 at 06:41 PM
Bill, and here I thought "The ESPI" seemed spoiled, not just tasteless ;)
By the way, KTLA, the Fox 11 Morning Show is now running advertisements in prime time stating that THEY are the #1 morning show in LA. So much for your May ratings, huh? You should have listened to your viewers. They appear to be watching something else now.
Posted by: Donna | May 29, 2008 at 06:48 PM
Paul, not only would it be good to flood the inbox of "Viewer Mail" regarding the removal of Eric from the 5 - 7 AM spot, but I've just sent an email to Gary Weitman, V.P. of programming for Tribune Corp. in Chicago.
His email address if anyone is interested is; gweitman@tribune.com
Posted by: Dan | May 29, 2008 at 07:05 PM
This is insane.
Posted by: GA | May 29, 2008 at 08:45 PM
I think Michaela, is what makes watching KTLA Mornings worth it! She's HOT! And her Charisma is Magnetic.She just SHINES, the Fashion Topic on Shoes was HOT! Dayum! Guess Im just a foot fetish guy anyhow.Have a Wonderful Weekend one and all.
Posted by: Mike | May 29, 2008 at 09:08 PM