Download Sep 24 2009 - VID00038Bora-Bora

      "Out of respect for Fazion's 'unit' I chose to look the other way." 

      Over the course of my very pleasant career journey, I have interviewed far more stars than I can possibly count; for a far longer period of time than I will ever admit to; but in the course of all of those conversations I don't believe I have ever heard a remark that was simply so unusual as the phrase above spoken by actress Kristin Bell when asked about a scene in the new movie "Couples Retreat," where her co-star comic Faizon Love drops his trousers and reveals himself and his unit without the benefit of underwear.

     I am not sure what it is about a pure paradise like Bora-Bora that prompts so much discussion of below-the-belt matters. The area here is simply jaw-drop lovely. It is turquoise, is it powder-blue, it is baby-blue; whatever the correct color palate description of the water...you have never seen anything like it.

   With so much beautiful water, there are a variety of ways to experience it; which led to my second genitalia conversation here, prior to heading out on a jet-ski expedition.

   "Sam, you want to be sure that you don't completely sit down on the jet ski; you want to ride a little above the seat; otherwise it is really going to mess with your junk," was the sage advice from one of the plethora of publicists dispatched here to hold the hands of the 40 or so reporters who are covering this movie junket.

   Maybe it is just me; but prior to trying to save my junk; I would have offered several other tips about life on a jet ski; you are going to want sunglasses for certain, and maybe a small towel to wipe them down periodically. Also, even though the jet ski can go "80,"...."60" is about as fast as you need to go; and "30" in fact insures a very comfortable non junk jarring ride.

    A few other quick snapshots from Tahiti, which we are told is farther from any continental landmass than any other island chain in the world.

   Bring your own medicine. For whatever cosmic reason; there are no medicines sold at the hotels. So if you need an aspirin, advil, or basically, anything, be sure to bring it yourself. One of my Canadian colleagues has been felled by a tropical cold and is trading virtually anything just for some sudafed.

   Bring a significant bank-roll. Paradise is pricey. $1 U.S. dollar is worth 72 French Polynesian bills. Which seems like a good deal, until you discover a single drink is 1600; dinner was well over 100,000; this trip for all intense and purposes is free to the press and I will have spent hundreds of dollars just on incidentals.

   All connections with what we consider normal civilization don't really work here. The internet is somewhat spotty; the TV is all in French; and nether my phone or blackberry worked at all. As it turns out; these are HUGE positives and may well facilitate other life lessons.

   Don't come alone. In the original invitation to this junket; the studio made it very clear that extra guests were not welcome. I never should have listened. This is a top honeymoon destination; and it is a crime to be sitting in one of these amazing over-the-water huts; and not be sharing it with your significant other. 

  All told, with the incredible water right in front of me; and my unit/junk/package in tact, there is little to complain about. With economic conditions such as they are, a trip like this is increasingly out of the reach of many; but one thing about the movie, is that Bora-Bora is really one of the co-stars of the film; so while few will make the actual trip; I think many will get a chance to at the very least see in a movie theater what we junketeers have been experiencing and enjoying so much in person.

Any television viewer knows it when he sees it, and when he feels it; those rare moments when something big and emotional pops out of the small screen. When one is jarred from the stupor of general viewing because some on-the-air has happened that commands your head or your heart or both to really pay attention.

A full 46 minutes into his first episode, Jay Leno had such a moment....and then...a moment later he punted it away.

His right-out-of-the-headlines interview with Kayne West could have been a blockbuster. First an introduction where Kayne was praised for keeping his commitment to come on the show; and then West was greeted by audience applause; so it appeared that Jay was going to out soft-ball Larry King; until he did something rare and really good.

Jay asked an excellent question. "Kayne, I have met your mother, years ago; and if your mother were here today, what would she say about all of this." And right there, you could see, and you could feel in a very genuine and sincere way, Jay had actually gotten to Kayne. Clearly shook by the question, Kayne paused, very nearly cried, and tried to answer but knew that really he couldn't answer. And right there, right there Jay Leno could have followed up and maybe in 2 or 3 or 4 minutes we would have some new insight into Kayne West and what really makes him tick.

But we didn't. Quickly Jay went right to the teleprompter and introduced the 'performance' by Kayne, Jay-Z and Rhianna; which only proved that she still looks and sings great; but was so much less, less interesting, less entertaining, less everything that a real discussion with Kayne could have been.

The rest of the show was completely unremarkable. If you didn't know that Jay had left The Tonight Show three months earlier, you never would have never known. It is, in a word, the e x a c t same show.

  The monologue was very C+. The first comedy bit with the Dan Band, was very long and not very funny. The Jerry Seinfeld interview was so planned and scripted as to be vintage Leno-era Tonight show.

  Jay Leno has always had the rap of not being a capable interviewer. For a quick second with Kayne West he almost proved his critics wrong.

  If the first night is any indication of the future, I think the same-old, same-old will have less than desirable results. People will stay, maybe, for the monologue and that's about it.

There is a real opportunity here; but so far, Jay is playing it super safe and I don't think that will lead anywhere.