It is the lecture that I believe I heard my father give to my older sisters when there were of an appropriate age, several times over.

      "There are three universal lies of which you must always beware," he would say. "Never trust any man who says the following;

     "I can't get you pregnant."

     "I promise to pay you back"

     and "The check is in the mail."

     I never knew he could be so wise until this week when I embarked on an experience that has been filled with frustration and upset. Imagine this, trying to withdraw money from an account that is in your name, filled with your own savings, that you actually own. Should be really easy, right?

    Even for those of us lucky enough to be working, sometimes the bills at the end of the month exceed the amount of money you have coming in. If you are doubly lucky to have had a few good years, you might have a little bit of a cushion. Part of my cushion is with Nationwide, you know, the company, that is On Your Side. 

    But maybe they are not entirely on my side after all. 

    To make a long story short, last Tuesday, October 20th; I called Nationwide to ask for a little bit of my own money. They said fine and that they would send me a check in the mail. Would it be possible I asked, and I was willing to pay the difference, to use an overnight service so I could have the check sooner than later. "No Sir, we are unable to do that, we can only send a check to you by regular U.S. mail but it should arrive within 5 business days or less," the friendly operator assured me.

    Today, August 29th; I still had no check, and I called Nationwide in Dublin, Ohio to share my upset. I was promptly called back by an extra helpful customer service agent who said she would track down my case and have an answer for me soon. A few hours later she did. "Sir, we mailed out your check on October 22nd."  Well gee, I wondered, it is a full week later, and still no check...what should I do? "Well sir, I can cancel the original check and we can arranged to overnight a new check to you that will arrive no later than next Tuesday November 3rd."

     Of course I need this check to pay bills due on November 1st, would the company possibly wire the money to me. "Certainly sir, but your bank may charge you a fee."  So wait a minute, now, now that the check is a full week late; Nationwide, now, will overnight or wire me the money. They wouldn't before, but they will now.

    You know exactly where this is heading. After asking the lady to cancel my check and overnight me a new one....guess what arrived in the mail late this afternoon.

    I have a check from Nationwide that was issued on October 21st; and mailed on October 22nd; and even with presorted first class mail; it did not arrive until today, October 29th Of course the confirmation letter about the whole transaction, which was mailed on October 26th, also arrived today.

   So, who should I hate more; Nationwide, or the U.S. Postal Service? 

   I imagine this kind of corporate run-around is nothing new. Nationwide enjoys 'the float,' the money my money makes in interest until I cash their check...and my creditors, the people I owe money to will now hear a very familiar phrase from yours truly;

  "Don't worry, the check is in the mail."